My attitude towards health and weight loss changed drastically after I was encouraged to get an ICD. Part of it was that I hadn't yet found the right tools, but I also don't think I had been taking my health nearly as seriously as I should.
It's been over a month since I committed myself to a healthier lifestyle. I joined Weight Watchers, I bought exercise videos that I actually enjoy doing, and I started forming better habits.
Here, in list format, are some of my achievements.
Good Things I've Been Doing
Following a morning routine.
Working out each and every day.
Not splurging on food, but not denying myself what I want, either.
Eating out less.
Packing lunches more.
Weighing myself every day.
Going to bed at the same time every night.
Things I Refuse to Allow Myself to Do
Give up on my quest for better health.
Lose the ability to squat.
Eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
Not work out because I don't "feel like it".
Have to size up my wedding ring.
Lose flexibility.
Be down on myself.
Focus more on the past than on my current achievements.
I have a long way to go, but I am going to get there. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot. I am going to stay focused on my goals and I am going to do everything I can to reach them.
My most immediate goal is to avoid the ICD. I'm hoping by the end of August my heart will have recovered enough that my doctor won't think it's necessary anymore. This may not be possible. If I have to have an ICD, I have to have an ICD. But I'm going to do whatever I can do to avoid it before I have to make that decision.
My long-term goal is, of course, to get down to a healthy weight. I'm not ruling out any options. Obesity runs in my family, and it may very well be that I can't beat this without surgical assistance. But I am not going to have my intestines rerouted without doing everything I can do first.
This month has been a great start. It's going to get harder from here, and down the road. But I refuse to give up.
It's not "I'm not giving up this time". There hasn't actually been a time when I have been this motivated. In the past when I've tried to lose weight I've always lacked a true commitment, always let either my eating habits or my exercise--or both!--slide. So this is really the first time I've ever made a concerted effort to be healthy.
It's going to be the last time, too, because I'm going to stay this way for the rest of my life.
It's probably obvious to those of you who've noticed I never change my blog template. Most designers change their templates all the time, trying new things. I've mentioned several times that I want to make some changes, but for the most part I've left it alone...not because I think it's perfect like it is, but because I dread going into the code. It's horribly out of date--it uses tables, for goodness' sake--and if I ever get into a serious redesign, I know I'm going to want to start over from scratch.
I'm not the type of person who can just use a WYSIWYG editor and be content. I have to mess with the underpinnings, make them the best that I know they can be.
That perfectionism makes me despise web design, because nothing is ever perfect. What works in one browser doesn't work in another. I can't always do what I want, either because I lack the coding ability, because it's unsupported by major browsers, or because it's simply impossible with the tools we currently have. To get certain effects I have to cheat and then be annoyed that the site doesn't live up to standards. I use JavaScript to do certain things, for example, and I just have to hope that the majority of site visitors won't have it disabled. There are so many factors to take into account, when all I really want to do is make a nice, pretty design.
Despite all this, for some inexplicable reason I keep taking on web design projects. What's wrong with me?
Plenty of spoilers in this post. You've been warned.
We're well into the sword-stealing plot now. Yuuri and his retainers (minus Gwendal, Gunter, and Murata) are in Caloria for a celebration for the defeat of Soushu. They run into Alford, who has a unique sword in his possession along with the holy sword. Janus (I'll just go with that spelling for now) shows up with a huge monster and demands they hand those swords and Morgif over...or he'll start destroying Caloria!
Yuuri makes what to him is an easy choice: hand over the swords. He makes this decision not only for himself, but for Al, who reluctantly agrees. After the swords are taken--just like that!--the monster and Janus disappear; they had simply been an illusion.
"It couldn't be helped," Al says. "You didn't make the wrong choice, Yuuri."
But I'm not sure if I agree with that sentiment!
You can always argue that hindsight is 20/20, and it really does seem like the most noble thing to do to try and save the people of Caloria. But you have to remember that this isn't just a matter of giving up their personal swords. The three swords the White Ravens wanted aren't just any swords. Al's has holy power, Morgif obviously has demon power, and the third, rusty sword has some as-yet-unexplained effect on people with maryoku (and probably other powers). You have to weigh the dangers. Is it more dangerous to let a monster rampage a city-state, or to let an amoral group have three ridiculously powerful magical items?
To be fair, the person who should have spoken up--Flynn--did not. I can't imagine Conrad or Josak recommending against saving people, even though Josak seemed to have the whole deal figured out from the beginning. Wolfram's the logical one to do it, but Yuuri rarely listens to Wolfram's advice even if he had said something. The person who speaks for Caloria should have protested on behalf of her people. That she didn't either means she didn't understand the enormity of the situation, or she's still "following" Yuuri, even though he told her he doesn't want to be followed.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure if Flynn has ever gone against what Yuuri said since the box incident.
It would be hard for a leader to argue for the possible destruction of her country and deaths of some of her people. But I feel that if she'd looked at the situation objectively, she would see that this decision could have repercussions not just in Caloria, but across the entire world.
Someone should have been there to point that out. But no one was. Murata was either back at Shinou's temple or on Earth. Gwendal was at the castle. And no one else stepped up.
I guess what's strange to me about this is that everyone just did what Yuuri said without protesting much at all. In the past, they'd challenge him, make sure he was looking at all sides of the issue. He'd usually go ahead and make the exact same decision, but at least I felt comfortable that he knew what he was doing. Not so in this episode.
Another thing that seemed to be curiously lacking was the strategy behind the scenes. Typically when Yuuri makes decisions with big consequences, his retainers have a plan to bail him out. Maybe this plan exists and it'll be revealed in the next episode. I sure didn't see a hint of it in this one. "Let's go get our swords back" isn't much of a strategy.
Here's hoping there's a purpose to all this. I've been feeling somewhat weird about the general conceits of the show all throughout the third season. It seems to me like Yuuri's standard decision-making is being demonstrated time and time again to be flawed. I don't know if that's on purpose, and if Yuuri is going to grow, or what.
On the one hand, I don't want Yuuri to lose his drive to protect. But on the other, I wish he would temper that with a little more common sense. Now that he's been in this world awhile, he can start making judgments based on his knowledge of its rules, rather than Earth's. It should get to a point where he can start thinking of the consequences, instead of having them pointed out to him by someone else.
* * *
Random shot of Sara from the end of the episode! What can I say, I like him.
My first week of Weight Watchers is over, and I've lost 3.4 pounds.
I'm at such a high weight, and my weight has fluctuated so much, that 3.4 pounds doesn't seem like all that much. Most crap diets have you losing 10 pounds the first week. But I'm taking heart from this. First of all, Weight Watchers isn't a crap diet; it's a lifestyle change. I have been shocked by my eating habits this past week. I never really thought about how many times I feel "hungry" in a given day. This week I learned how to wait.
Secondly, 3.4 pounds is an achievement. I've actually been checking my weight every day, and it has consistently gone down this week. That's not always going to be the case, but it has been helpful in keeping me going so far. It's not really healthy to lose more than a couple pounds a week, and I want to do this in a healthy way.
I slipped up several times this week--there were days I went over my point limit--but Weight Watchers gives you extra points each week, and I didn't use all of those up. My crowning achievement has to be last night, when I had enough points left for dessert, but decided I wasn't hungry and didn't have any. (!)
I really feel that this is something I can stick with, and that is largely due to Weight Watchers' online tools. A few years ago I purchased Diet Power, and it did everything I could possibly want to help me diet...it tracked not only calories, but pretty much everything, and auto-adjusted based on weight loss and how much you ate and exercised. But it's a desktop application, with no web version. To have it with you anywhere, you had to export your data and take it with you, then install the application wherever you were and import your data. I typically only used Diet Power at home, which meant that I wasn't checking throughout the day to make sure I was on track. The software also took up a lot of processing power, so I'd tend to leave it off and then forget about using it.
Weight Watchers doesn't track everything Diet Power tracks, but it tracks what matters. Maybe not tracking every single mineral is a good thing. I like that I can input foods with just three values: calories, total fat, and fiber. I don't have to know, for example, how much iron there is. It's something less to worry about. And the food database is quite robust; often I don't have to add the item I'm eating, because it's already there.
But the best part is, of course, that I can get to the site from any computer with internet access, which means I can stay on track all day. Weight Watchers seems to have many more online tools I can use, too, as I get adjusted.
I'm doing well so far with tracking points and sticking to my limit. I'm going to focus on that this week as well. But I'm also going to try to increase the number of times I work out. I only exercised a few days last week; I'm going to shoot for every day this week.
Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past, I've failed. But I cannot afford to give up this time. There's too much at stake.
And I want to achieve this. I want to know that if I stick to a plan over time, I can accomplish great things. There is so much I want to do with my life, but if I don't get over this fear of commitment I seem to have, I never will.
Last year, before I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I got exhausted walking just a few feet. When I went to Augusta's Riverwalk to enjoy the scenery and take pictures, I had to stop and sit down every couple of minutes. The idea of walking all the way from one end to the other and back seemed ludicrous. I didn't know when I'd gotten so out of shape, but it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't build up any strength.
It's been six months since I was diagnosed. Heart medicine has helped my heart rebuild itself--not completely, but about halfway. I've found myself feeling better and better. Other than some weird symptoms in my left eye--an intermittent, enveloping blurriness, a higher level of irritability, and lately a weird flashing in the periphery--I feel good. I feel normal. I've been able to walk farther and farther, and do aerobics, and ride my bike again.
I knew I was doing well when I walked the North Augusta Greeneway with Brooke and felt like I could keep going forever. But it didn't really hit me how much I've improved until I went to Riverwalk on Thursday. Without feeling tired in the least, I walked the full length and then walked back...and the only reason I ever sat down was because I'd foolishly chosen to wear sandals instead of sneakers.
I can't describe how that difference makes me feel. I'm an extremely independent-minded person, and stubborn to boot, and not being able to walk even short distances had a huge effect on my personal happiness. I hated it. I hated life, and I hated myself, and I felt helpless to change it.
That diagnosis was the best thing that could have happened to me.
A lot of people are scared to go to the doctor because they're afraid of what they might find out. They'd rather keep going along, blissfully ignorant.
If that's you...take it from me. Please don't. Please go to the doctor.
You may get a scary diagnosis, sure. But you may also find out that there's treatment, and that you can live a normal life again. You can be strong again. You can do the things you want to do again.
When you do go to the doctor, don't let them make a snap diagnosis. Bring notes. Tell them all your symptoms. Tell them how your quality of life has changed. My doctor wouldn't have even thought of heart failure if it hadn't been for my mom reminding him that I used to bike for hours.
And once you have that diagnosis, don't run away from it. Do everything your doctor says. Don't stop taking your meds when you start to feel better. Don't skip appointments with your doctor, or stop going entirely. Keep a journal of how you're feeling, and make note of any new symptoms, and let your doctor know. It's a hassle, and it might make you feel resentful...but that's still better than losing your ability to function, and dying too soon.
Make a commitment to enjoy life. You have things you want to do, don't you? Do them. And do what your doctor says so that you're able to do the things you want to do. Take charge of your health, and take care of yourself. You'll feel better.
The other night I made this recipe from my 501 Delicious Heart Healthy Recipes cookbook. It took a very long time--after mixing the ingredients on the stove I had to let them simmer for an hour, then mix in more ingredients, put it all in a casserole dish, and bake. So this recipe maybe isn't something you do on a weeknight...but Sean says it's definitely worth the wait. He had three helpings. "You have to make this more often," he said.
1 1/2 pounds ground round 1 1/2 cups chopped onion 1 cup chopped green bell pepper 1/2 cup chopped celery 2 garlic cloves, crushed 1 (10 3/4 ounce) can reduced-fat, reduced-sodium cream of mushroom soup, undiluted 3/4 cup water 1 (14.5 ounce) can no-salt-added whole tomatoes, undrained and chopped 2 tablespoons chili powder 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1 (8 ounce) package spaghetti 2 ounces reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese, cut into 1/2-inch cubes 2 tablespoons chopped pimiento-stuffed olives Cooking spray 1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese
1. Cook first five ingredients in a Dutch oven, stirring until meat crumbles; drain well, and return to Dutch oven. Stir in soup and next 5 ingredients. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally.
2. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
3. Cook spaghetti according to package directions, omitting salt and fat; drain.
4. Stir spaghetti, cheese cubes, and olives into meat sauce. Spoon mixture into a 13x9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Cover and bake at 325 for 20 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup shredded cheese, and bake, uncovered, 10 additional minutes. Yield: 8 servings.
Notes: I didn't use lean beef; I used ground chuck. I did not use olives at all. Also, I didn't have any shredded cheddar cheese, so I didn't do the last part. And finally, I used minced garlic from a jar rather than fresh. Regardless of all this, the casserole still tasted great.
If you've been following my tweets, you know I've started Weight Watchers. Maybe that has something to do with the absolutely foul mood I've been in lately. I hate not being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. (I'm such an American.)
I actually feel pretty good, health-wise. And I don't feel like I'm stressing out. I'm just getting annoyed by everything.
Rassafrassin'...
I do most of my whining on Twitter these days, but as usual, it's over capacity. Or as my friend Chris would put it, the FailWhale is up. So here I am, posting nothing on my blog, because this is how much I want to complain.
Sorry, universe, if I overload you with negative energy today.
I hate to do it, but a round of World of Warcraft farming spam has left me with no choice.
I've enabled comment moderation.
This means, unfortunately, that your comments will have to wait for me to approve them before they appear on the site.
I've always enjoyed the immediacy of feedback here. I really hate to lose that. But I will not allow my blog to become some jerk's advertising pipeline.
If you see any spam comments anywhere, please let me know so I can delete them.
It turns out it wasn't a black and white issue. I thought it would be one of two possible outcomes; it never occurred to me that there'd be one in the middle.
My heart has recovered...some. My ejection fraction is now 35. An average person's EF is over 55. My doctor says this is good news, but she still recommends the implanted cardioverter-defibrillator. However, the decision is up to me.
Dr. G explained to me that when they implant the ICD, they purposefully put you into V-fib to see if it works. If not, they shock you the old-fashioned way to keep you from dying, and then change the settings.
That kind of bothered me. If I haven't gone into V-fib ever, it seems to me like putting me into it intentionally only increases the chances that it will happen again.
When I got home I read about the procedure to implant the ICD and what recovery is like. Obviously it involves surgery. The surgeon creates a "pocket" under the collarbone, like they do for a pacemaker, and a lead (or three) goes down a vein to the heart. You're not put all the way under, but there is a sedative.
As with any surgery, I imagine there's a chance of death during the procedure.
If I do this, I will have a device stuck in my body that will be noticeable through the skin. Plus I'll have a scar. Plus, they pretty much never remove these things, even if you get better.
If I don't do this, and I ever do go into V-fib, or my heart is otherwise irregular, I won't have anything to save me from sudden cardiac death.
The issue, to my way of thinking, is whether or not I am in grave danger of my heartbeat becoming irregular or stopping. This may just be the heart meds talking, or my complete lack of desire to undergo surgery again...but I don't feel like I am. I think my heart has improved a great deal in the almost six months since I was diagnosed, and I believe it will continue to improve. I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is...and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more.
At this point, I feel like waiting and seeing what happens.
I have an appointment next month with the doctor who does the procedure, then a follow-up with Dr. G in July. By then it will have been eight months since my diagnosis.
Some heart patients apparently wait nine months to see if their heart has recovered, so why not wait that extra month and then have another echo before I undergo life-altering surgery?
That's basically where I am right now. Obviously, I'm going to talk with more people and learn as much as I can, to try and make the most informed choice.
It's been about six months since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and started on medication. Today's the day I get my heart echoed again to see if it has recovered.
If it hasn't recovered, then it probably won't. This will mean I will have to have a defibrillator implanted in my chest, to restart my heart in case it happens to stop. With medication, I will still feel normal (as I have felt for the past few months), but my heart won't actually be normal.
I am not sure if this is like a pacemaker, meaning I can't be near microwaves and cell phones, or not. I basically put that knowledge off, because I figured there's no sense in worrying about it if it doesn't even happen. Of course, now the not knowing is bothering me.
If my heart has recovered, I will feel normal (as I have for the past few months) and my heart will be normal. Obviously I'm hoping for this outcome.
I thought it was impossible, but someone has figured out how to write maru-ma in text!
Really, I figured there should be a way--it's common to put a circle (maru) around a character. But all the KKM websites had it as a graphic, so that led me to believe it was impossible. Glad to know it's not; I can now write Kyou Kara Maou properly in Japanese.
Edit: Unfortunately I can't do it here, since it seems the maru is in UTF-8 and I foolishly set this blog to Shift-JIS back in the day. Someday I want to change it to UTF-8...but when I do I will have to edit all posts that have Japanese text in them >_<
Kyou Kara Maou could have ended with season 2 and I would have been happy. It was a great ending. The purpose of Yuuri becoming the Maou had been fulfilled, and he gained the power to go back and forth between worlds, so you could imagine that his adventures continued, but there was enough resolution that you didn't need to see it.
Then Kyou Kara Maou R was announced. I figured the producers wanted to tell a stand-alone story, and that was it. But after seeing the OVA, it's obvious that it was made more as a preview for season 3. I'm not sure on the timing, so I don't know if it was made to gauge interest, or to simply serve as an introduction. Episodes 1 and 5 tell a story by themselves, as I mentioned before, but it's not a very robust story. It's a teaser, to show us who Saralegui is without resolving anything.
By the time I saw the last episode of the OVA, the third season had been long announced, so I wasn't bothered by the lack of resolution. So far the KKM producers have done everything right--they've only introduced elements they intended to resolve. I can't wait to see what happens with Sara in season 3.
It's looking like he'll be in episode 85...and he'll possibly dance with Yuuri? This is confusing, since they only met in the OVA, so I don't know if the OVA is supposed to have happened by now, or if they just don't realize they've met before when the OVA happens.
I don't think the OVA has happened yet. Wolfram was so shocked to see Shinou at his temple that I imagine Yuuri hasn't told anyone he's there, but in the OVA everyone knows.
The pace of the OVA is so fast. It's unclear why they were going to Caloria in the first episode. Everyone was together, so the two groups--Murata, Conrad, and Josak, and Yuuri and Wolfram--would have to have already come back together by then. Not only that, but Yuuri and Murata would have to have gone back to Earth; they return at the beginning of the OVA. I really don't think the OVA can be sandwiched into the season 3 timeline anytime soon.
(Episodes 2-4 of R could be stuck in at any point, since they're stand-alone episodes, but I assume they would go either right before or right after 1 and 2.)
I'll be interested to see how this all plays out. I imagine it will be obvious where the OVA goes in the chronology once we get there...although I'm kind of wondering if the OVA, as a preview, was actually an alternate universe version of events that doesn't fit into the timeline at all. That would kind of suck, though.
Episode 85 has already aired. Can't wait to see it.
All views, opinions, and statements expressed on this website are exclusively those of Heather Meadows, who assumes full responsibility for all opinions, statements, and other content presented herein.
cookbook. It took a very long time--after mixing the ingredients on the stove I had to let them simmer for an hour, then mix in more ingredients, put it all in a casserole dish, and bake. So this recipe maybe isn't something you do on a weeknight...but Sean says it's definitely worth the wait. He had three helpings. "You have to make this more often," he said.
